It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
No subtext here. People are naked.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
