It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
