Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
