i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
