I will die if light touches me.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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