He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
