these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
