I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
