A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
