My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize