ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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