I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
