I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
