i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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