If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
