when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
