Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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