she smelled like a LAN party
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
