lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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