you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I think people are normalizing furries
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
