I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
