I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
