i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
