he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
