He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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