I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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