i permit you to call me
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
