K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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