Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
