its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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