dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
