The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
