What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize