I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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