Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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