In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
