White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
