He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
