im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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