I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
