'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
