I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
