He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
now i know why i became what i already was.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
