if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I want you more than these girls want KFC
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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