He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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