Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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