Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
