Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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