Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
