Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
