Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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