I can text with my tongue
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
