I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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