Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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