I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
