the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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