The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
