I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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