operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
