I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Life is so much better after having sex.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
