You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
