I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Randomize
