Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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