First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
