I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
