They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
