I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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