You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
