Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
