we're blogging at a bar
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize