It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
